On Wednesday I’ll be the big 4-OH. My boss poignantly stated that this was the last week of my thirties and asked how I felt… I felt okay until it was put that way! But seriously. This is just a few notes to encourage those leaving one decade for the next and wondering if they missed their “marks”
I know it sounds vain, but with God’s grace and some serious self care, I honestly look better leaving my 30’s than I did entering them. The take away? Its never too late to make lasting changes that affect you for the better. To date I have kept off the 20 lbs that I lost and i’m just striving to keep a healthy balance and yes, I still have dreams of a six pack ;-).
- I AM WALKING OUT MY DREAM… JUST NOW
Have the world tell you, I’m too old to pursue a career in fashion; and even more so as a designer. I won’t lie; I’ve been on this journey since my 20’s and allowed life and fear to dissuade me from really giving this thing a go. But right now, on the brink of 40 I’ve never felt more ready. I truly feel a resolve about the skin I am in and the steps I am making. My clothing line is authentically me and I needed this time to realize that. Prayerfully next year you will see The Style Co-op’s debut resort-wear line and the timing couldn’t be better. The take away? Do it. Afraid, bold, right now, later… The only thing you’ll regret is the regret from not moving.
- I AM STILL SINGLE AND CHILDLESS
LOL Job 3:25 says: “For the thing I feared has overtaken me, and what I dreaded has happened to me.” I laugh because this is me. I kept thinking God would “ram in a bush” me. SURELY God has at least a bae for Jai at 40. LOL nope. Nah. Nada. Nothing. The thing I feared the most. No man, no hint of marriage, no children… and I’m pretty much 40. It’s the worst and best thing to happen to me. The worst because, I mean I want to be in a healthy, happy, thriving relationship filled with purpose and I’m not. The best because 1) It didn’t happen and it not happening didn’t kill me 2) I’ve stopped holding my breath. 3) We don’t always get what we want and this is a great example of “losing” gracefully. aka not acting out or forcing something just to say I have. 4) I. DIDN’T. LOSE. The take away? Points 1 & 2.
Listen. I saved the best for last! I’ve always felt like I was juggling life. That in order to take care of one thing, I had to lay another down. Also a reason that delayed me from fully chasing my dreams. Then one day this year I was like “self…How can you want more in life when you can’t handle what you have now?”
My mission then became to master the “little” that I have. Create routine and habit and ORDER. It’s a lie to think that in order to be a free spirit, your life has to be chaotic. I’ve never felt freer and its due to creating order and structure. Days no longer slip away into weeks and months of would’ve, could’ve, should’ve. Now, if this “man” ever comes along… I know I won’t put my life on hold to tend to him. When the time is right I’ll actually be able to have a healthy relationship. But for now, I enjoy the fact that my house isn’t a whirlwind of fabric, patterns, Netflix and lost time.
Things not happening in the time that you want them to happen doesn’t always mean that you missed the mark; It just means it didn’t happen. Focus on what did happen. Focus on the steps (of the things you can control) that you have made. And for the things you cant control… find the blessing in the pause.
Life is STILL good.
God is STILL good.
40 is STILL coming.
Happy Birthday to me.
And if you want…. cash app me $40 for 40
Cash app: $Jaikeyl